Better Angels: Adopted as an adult, young woman becomes a daughter at last
Crocker StephensonA baby is born into the vast, vast world.
A baby girl. Ten fingers. Ten toes. Brand new.
But the child doesn’t go home with her mom. She doesn’t go home with her dad. She doesn’t go home at all.
Instead, for the next decade or so, it’s foster homes, group homes, and perhaps a relative for a while. Caseworkers. Social workers. The people that come and go in her life come and go in an official capacity.
She’s a little girl coming up in the world. And everything in that world is temporary. Her place in the world is temporary. The human heart hungers for permanency. But her heart is shuttled from here to there.
A temporary house. A temporary school. Temporary families with their own kind of food, own kind of rules, own kind of smells and beds and kids and moods.
Neighborhoods change. Friends come and go.
She’s a little girl, and everywhere she goes, she is visiting. And nothing stays familiar.
Here’s the girl’s name: Arasia McVickers.
Arasia reaches her teens. People involved in child welfare know the clock is always ticking. Kids, they grow and grow and grow. Arasia grows up alone.
In her midteens, Arasia meets a caseworker: Nikki Talakowski. There's something about Nikki. Arasia starts calling her mom.
“I knew she wasn’t going anywhere,” Arasia says.
And she’s right. Nikki invests herself in Arasia’s well-being.
Nikki inquires about adopting Arasia, but there are rules that forbid caseworkers from adopting their clients.
So Nikki tries to find Arasia a family that will adopt her. A family to remain Arasia’s family for the rest of her life. A family to love Arasia as their child.
Several attempts fail.
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Arasia doesn’t like to talk about it. But Nikki says these failed attempts left her heartbroken. She remembers placing Arasia with a family in Green Bay, a placement that lasted just six weeks.
"She came back, and I felt terrible," Nikki says.
"I had sent her up there, and that was it, and she was going to get her no-matter-what family. And they gave up."
Arasia turns 18 with no permanent family in her life. At 19, Arasia will age out of the system. Cut loose.
"I worried," Nikki says.
"What would happen to her if she did not have a family? Where would she be? What would she be doing? What would she become?"
Nikki, who by then has changed jobs, decides she will adopt Arasia. Or at least, she decides she would ask Arasia if she would consider becoming her daughter.
They go to lunch, and Nikki is obviously nervous. Arasia’s not sure what’s going on. She thinks maybe Nikki’s pregnant.
"It was weird how she was acting,"Arasia says. "I was like, 'Tell me.' "
So Nikki asks her: “Can I be your mom?”
And Arasia says yes.
On October 10, 2016 — on Arasia’s 19th birthday — they finalize the adoption.
Arasia is 20 now. On a recent evening, Nikki stopped by Arasia’s apartment.
They were telling their story to a couple of guests and Arasia said:
“I didn’t have nobody. She was willing.”
Join us in telling the stories of our better angels, of the kindness, compassionand decency that brighten our community. Call or text Crocker Stephenson at 414.858-6181. Or email him at crocker.stephenson@jrn.com.